On Monday we had a knock on our door. The maintenance guys told us they needed to check our place out to see if a leak on the neighbor's side was actually coming from our side. Well, sure enough it was--it was coming from our bathtub drains! I know there probably is never a convenient time or a time that I would voluntarily want to have this intrusion, but NOW was REALLY not a good time.
We live in tight quarters. What that means is that we have to use every available space for storage...so moving out our dining room is not as simple as moving a table and a few chairs. Oh! and I forgot to mention that just a few weeks ago we had already moved ALL the furniture/stuff out because they just laid the new floors? We had just gotten everything put back together!
Well, the guys came and jack-hammered our new floor up--only about a foot from the wall. They spent all day fixing the leak and left after they poured the cement back in. They told us that they would be back in a few days (once the cement dried) to finish putting it all back together. As he was walking out, he mumbled something about "unless there was another leak that pops up". Well, guess what popped up? Yesterday OUR side flooded. So now we had another mess on top of a mess. The guy came back out and made sure the water was shut off. He said he would be back today to get it all fixed.
So today they jack-hammered some more until the hole is as big as you see in the picture. I forgot to mention that they never sealed off the area, so all the dust and mold, etc. was blown up and into the air for us all to enjoy. By Monday evening--just a few hours of all the dust blowing--we were sick. Yesterday Niah had to skip volleyball practice because we are miserable.
I am ready for this to be over, but it will probably be about a month before we can stop eating in our living room. They are going to have to relay the floor which means at some point we will have to move EVERYTHING (not just the dinning room) back out again so they can redo the floors. The next few weeks will be challenging for sure. I guess I am in need of some more character building!
I'm not sure which came first....Isaiah's walking or his diving. Somehow Isaiah discovered that he LOVES to dive face first into our bed. He spends hours doing this. Of course we were concerned at first. I see the potential for injuries...but there really is no stopping him. He would stop temporarily--just until we left the room--then he would start back up again. Often times he likes to stack our pillows to create a platform in which to dive from. Isaiah also has a fascination for whales--his marine hero being the famous "Willie the Whale." It really is hilarious.
And about his spinal health...we make frequent trips to visit Uncle Alex for realignment. Technically, Alex is a chiropractor, but now I guess he also could be considered a marine veterinarian!
Since TJ is still "on vacation", we got to go to one of Niah's games together as a family. This is the first time that he has gotten to watch one of his kids play a game/sport. He has been waiting a LONG time for this day!
Niah has really enjoyed volleyball. I'm so glad that we found this league and her team. Her coach has been wonderful, which has helped to make volleyball and the twice-a-week practices enjoyable for the most part. I am also proud of Aliya, Kiahna, and Isaiah. They have been very supportive of Niah's activities. It's a big commitment that we all have made together, and I'm thankful that they have supported Niah in her new-found interest.
Niah was able to choose her favorite number *42* for her jersey. She was super excited about that! We cheered loudly for #42 and her team--The Outsyderz. Niah did a great job. We are very proud! We only have 3 more sets of games before tournament weekend. The season is short and sweet, but well worth it!
The games last all day because they play several sets throughout the day. When the games were all said and done, we headed back home.
As we were heading into the house, I noticed that Isaiah was wearing his new birthday backpack that he got from his cousins Henry, Gwyneth, and Taya. On our way to Branson a few days ago, we stopped at their chiropractic office in Springdale for a little pit-stop. Betsy had brought the present for Isaiah just in case it worked out that we could swing by. Isaiah has loved that backpack--especially since it has his name on it!
We wanted to do something extra special for Niah's 15th birthday. This was an important birthday to her and to us as well. Last fall we had accepted an offer to tour a resort in Branson for a promotional, and had planned to use it for an anniversary getaway, but it just didn't work out with our schedules the way we had wanted it to. One day, we realized that this special getaway offer would actually be the perfect treat for Niah! We wanted it to be a surprise...so we were hoping that she would be as thrilled as we thought she would be.
We checked in on February 21st. We were surprised to discover that our "room" was as big as a house--it was actually even larger than where we currently live! The place was stunning, and the kids were thrilled. We had joking teased Niah prior to the trip that we were just going to to Branson and "camp out" tent-style. Given the freezing weather, this was a much cozier idea!
Niah enjoyed a room to herself because the other kids slept on the pull-out couch in the living room. Everyone had their own "place". It was nice.
The kids loved the large walk-in shower. I loved the bathtub and the fact that there was enough hot water for us all! So whether we were rinsing off from a recent swim or just having fun, we took advantage of the bathrooms!
Because the resort was so large, courtesy buses ran to and from places like the pool/hot tubs, the mini golf course, etc. We all enjoyed the rides, but Isaiah enjoyed it the most!
We spent a lot of time outdoors. We walked the beautiful trails, played mini-golf, volleyball, and even played on the playground! No matter where we went, the scenery was breathtaking. I would have loved to do an actual photo shoot of each of the kids, but we weren't prepared for that. Still...we couldn't resist grabbing a shot or two!
Awww.....the hot tubs. My personal favorite! It was SOOOO cold outside, but the hot tubs were HOT, so as long as you stayed in the water, you were just fine. After a while, your body temperature was hot enough that you could briefly step out of the water and even sit on the edge. Niah and I spent most of our time outdoors in the big spa...
...and the kids spent their time in the indoor pool. They had fun with the water slide. Daddy enjoyed watching the kids swim--which was great because it gave me an opportunity to just sit in the hot tub!
Right before we would leave for the night, the kids would all jump in the hot tub to get warmed up for the return trip back to our resort room.
One night Daddy cooked a special birthday dinner for Niah, and we also celebrated with dessert and a candle! Niah received ONE MORE special treat--a Thunder hat that she had been wanting!
Our last day was bitter sweet. We had enjoyed several days of FUN...but now it was time to think about returning home. We said one last good-bye to the view from our room...
...and one more good-bye to our vacation "home"...
...and headed out to do a few more activities at the resort before heading back on the road. The first stop was the horse stables.
We originally thought that we would all be able to ride, but they had moved the trail horses off location. All that was left was the trail ride horses for the kids. Kiahna and Isaiah were the only ones who qualified as "kids".
Comanche was a gentle horse. Kiahna rode first and had a blast. Isaiah waited patiently for his turn. He enjoyed every minute of it! I'm just guessing, but I have a feeling that Isaiah's stick horse will be renamed to Comanche as soon as we get home!
We left today...and today (February 23rd) is actually my mother's 60th birthday. My parents will be arriving at the resort later on today. We had hoped to get to see them, but they are not going to be in until the evening, and we have to get back for Niah's volleyball game tomorrow.
We were able to drop off a surprise at the exact cabin that they will be staying in. The kids are so excited! They love giving surprises as much as getting them!
We had such a blast! We decided to return for our Christmas vacation, so we have great things to look forward to!
Today is Niah's 15th Birthday. Big day...exciting day! Because today was a great weather day, we decided to not only take Niah's birthday pictures, but also catch-up on Isaiah's 3 year birthday pictures as well. Even though we will have a treat later on tonight for Niah's ACTUAL birthday, her REAL surprise is still yet to come in 2 days! We are all excited to reveal her surprise! Until then, these pictures are worth enjoying!
Isaiah has been planning his 3-year birthday party for the past several months. He wants to have a choo-choo train party...and we will...but for now the weather is not cooperating. So, in the meantime, we will just have to make today a VERY fun day. According to Isaiah, a trip to Chuck E. Cheese is considered VERY fun! I had some leftover coins from a previous trip, so I dropped the boys off at Chuck E. Cheese to spend the coins while the girls and I went to Dollar Tree to get some special treats for the birthday boy.
By the time we got back, the coins had all been spent. We were getting ready to head for Incredible Pizza (now renamed to GattiTown--yeah, I don't get it either), but before we did, we needed to get one last hug from Chuck E. Cheese himself!
We spent several hours eating and playing. Isaiah was having a great birthday! We ended the day knowing that the fun wasn't over yet because he still had his choo-choo train party to look forward to. I also still need to take his 3 year pictures, but we will have to wait for warmer weather.
Around Thanksgiving, we found out that we were expecting a new little baby. We had decided to wait and tell the kids on Christmas because we knew they would be thrilled. But on my birthday, the day before we were to leave for our vacation, I got the news that things were not all right. I had went that morning to have some special lab tests completed, and my midwife called later that afternoon with the results. Needless to say I was crushed.
Telling the children was even more painful. When we mentioned the word "baby" they were ecstatic. It was hard to have to continue and tell them the other part. Niah was the only one who knew--she had a dream within a few days of us finding out we were having a baby. She knew we were going to have a baby, and she believed that the baby was a girl. About a week later she had another dream, and she felt that we were to pray protection for the little one. We did, and we did, and we did.
Shortly after our Great Wolf Lodge vacation, we spent some time with some wonderful friends. They knew our situation, and they had been praying with us throughout this whole journey. They greatly encouraged us to continue praying and believing for our little one until God said it was over. We knew that was the right thing to do--the hard thing, but the right thing to do. So, we continued on believing for the little life that had been given to us.
We decided that we would continue to leave our hearts open and love this little one. We began preparing for this little one to join our family. We soon returned home, knowing that we had a hard road ahead of us. Faith and denial are often confused as the same thing. Not wanting to accept something is not the same thing as faith. Faith is understanding the circumstances, but choosing to believe in something greater than what can be seen. The Bible tells us in Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
In other words, what we had to hold on to was the call to pray for protection over the little one. We knew there was a problem, but we knew that if we were called to pray, then we would have to put down our fears and hurts and doubts and choose to believe for life until we were told otherwise.
Sunday, January 8th, we went to Babies-r-Us for a shopping spree. We each chose something special for the little one. Isaiah picked out a stuffed cow for the baby. Kiahna decided on a special baby rattle. Aliya's wanted to get the baby some pacifiers, and she spent a long time finding the right ones. Niah chose some beautiful bibs for the baby--a tradition that she started years ago with her other siblings. I wanted to buy a special outfit since I have bought a special outfit for each of the other children. I chose a little dress with bloomers and matching shoes. I also selected a purple blanket with embroidery that said, "Loved and Cherished". We returned home that night with lots of love and excitement in our hearts for our new little one. I am so thankful for that moment. I will treasure it always.
Early the next morning (January 9th) after TJ had gone to work, I realized when I went to the restroom that things were not good. The evidence was heart wrenching. I was only 12 weeks along, and while that may not have seemed a significant amount of time, it was long enough to produce significant labor. I immediately called TJ, and he rushed home. The pain from my heart intensified all the other pain. Even now as I type this, the pain is still all too real.
We cried...and we cried...and we cried. We had loved...and we had lost. We had fought, and yet we did not see the victory the way that we had hoped. Was I angry? The truthful answer was no. I was thankful that God had given us a chance to fight for our little one. I was thankful that we chose to love. I was thankful that our little one was now with our Savior. And I was also thankful for that future day when I will be able to hold my little one again--this time with my arms.
We had talked about names for the baby, but we weren't sure which name was the right one. Then one day while I was driving home from the store I heard the song that echos my heart's cry. Immediately the name Sarina Danielle came to mind. When I returned home, I shared the name with TJ, and he thought it was beautiful. The name is very significant and is layered with meaning.
Now a month has passed. We knew as a family that we wanted to have a little memorial service for our baby, so yesterday we did. TJ took us to the spot where he had spent some time grieving and praying over the past few weeks. It was beautiful, peaceful, and perfect. After spending a few moments sharing what was on our hearts, we went back to the Indian restaurant. This time we asked for one of the special occasion rooms so that we could have the additional privacy.
We brought all the special things that we had collected and selected for the baby. Over the past few weeks, I crocheted a blanket for Sarina. Each one of our children have a special blanket that I made just for them, and so I wanted Sarina to have one as well. Many tears fell about that blanket as it was being made.
We know that it's time to continue on. We know that while our hearts hurt, we still have life to live here. We have those around us to love, responsibilities that call us to step forward. Some days are harder that others, and time...well, time is a funny thing. On one side, time moving forward begins to heal our wounds. On the other side, time brings us back to that very moment of pain that we wished to be healed from.
The day that we lost Sarina, Niah posted this on her Facebook page: "My quote of the day is from my Mom, 'Love hurts. If you didn't love, then you wouldn't hurt. As much as you are hurting is as much as you have loved'."
I am thankful that as a family, we chose to love. We opened our hearts, knowing the risk, and we chose love.
For those who may not have known, please do not be upset. We knew that while others may have felt sorry for our loss or sadden that we were so sad, the real pain was within our little family--the loss was ours to grieve.
I heard this song a few days after we lost our baby. I now refer to this song as 'My Heart's Cry'. The deep groans of my heart are echoed in the lyrics. I can not listen to this song without crying. It is my heart's cry.
